The N00b 4.28.16: Just another day in Nullsec

The N00b 4.28.16: Just another day in Nullsec

Ark Ship Down – The Perilous Life of a Jumpfreighter Pilot

Every so often you hear about it. Massive jump freighters going down. 8 billion+ isk ships that can jump near across the entire map simply by lighting a cyno. It’s a tricky business, those jump freighters. You undock in nullsec — an already dangerous affair as is, only to jump to a cyno in a trade hub that’s brimming with pirates ready to attack you for the chance to have an 8 billion isk ship killmail. What’s a hauler to do?

There’s a trick to it. I myself barely know the details of how this works, and I sure as fuck have never done one of these with Erani. I’d fuck it up. Guaranteed. Billions in assets would go up in flames. What I’ve gathered so far about this lucrative skill is that it’s all about where you light that cyno. A special spot that allows you enough space to get your jumpfreighter in range of insta-dock, but not so close that it bumps the station. Because bumping the station is as bad as not jumping in close enough. You bounce away. You have to slowboat back to docking range. And fuck it all, thats when those pirates swarm you and bump you wayyyy the fuck away from the station so they can take you down.

What’s worse, every fucking station has a different range. Not all stations are alike. So you really have to have your shit together to know 1) where you’re jumping to 2) the perfect spot to cyno and 3) that you’re not going to fuck up and hit anything.

If you’ve only got 2 of the 3, don’t do it.

Of course, everyone has to start out somewhere. If this type of thing interests you, I strongly recommend you reach out to Richard Branson and/or Julia Allrian. There’s lots of folks who know how to do this, but I suspect those two are likely to help you learn.

The Great War Up North? It Gets Even Better

This is LennyKravitz2. Biggest bankroller in Eve.

This is LennyKravitz2. Biggest bankroller in Eve.

Rock, Paper, Shotgun, a really legit PC Gaming news site recently did an in-depth story on how this whole Great War started. As with any great Eve story, it includes drama, backstabbing, and lots and lots of isk. I strongly recommend you read it if you haven’t already. Check it out here.

7md – Hottest Party in Town

Anyone who’s been hanging around 7md lately has noticed that there’s been a bit of a hot dropper issue. On top of that, it’ appears to also be a rendezvous point for nearly reds before they head off into Provi to cause trouble. Can’t say this is the case for every timezone — I really only play during USTZ. HOWEVER, it’s become a problem. PvEing gets racy in 7md so naturally I took my butt over to other systems that felt only *slightly* safer.

/end rant

N00b Forgets to Fit Guns Before Joining Fleet

pants off

Everyone knows that I’m the queen of n00b when I join fleets. But even I can’t beat this one. So a few days ago I decided to join up in Eos Canon’s interceptor fleet. Anyone who’s done fleets knows how his fleets role — he’s a cranky brit that has a low voice, quiet mic, and to be frank, I can never fucking understand him.

Anyway, so there we were, halfway through catch on our way to Querious to stir up some trouble when all of a sudden on comms I hear a feminine voice with a thick french accent say “Oh nooo I need to stop and get some guns”.

Turns out, she left F-Y forgetting to fit her high-slots. What was her plan? Unknown. Possibly just tackle? Who knows. Either way — moral of the fucking story: Before you leave for a fight, for fucks sake, make sure you’ve got guns ready.

Gate Crashing – Null Sec N00b Style

Anyone who’s been around me long enough knows that I have a problem with gate crashing. And by that I mean, I’m always forced to do it, and I fucking hate it. Ask anyone on Teamspeak. Perfect cordial bliss will suddenly be erupted with “OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH THEY’RE FUCKING CHASING ME”.

Somehow though, 9 times out of 10 I make it through.

You might call that skill. The skeptical may call it luck. I call it bat shit crazy mixed with subconscious desires to stay alive.

How do I do it? I’m going to be upfront. There are a million better ways to pull it off. I use this strategy in my exploration adventures through various nullsec regions. I don’t bother to explore in Providence anymore — too full. So! That means I have to go through fairly red-infested space, often littered with gate campers jump after jump.

If in a Buzzard (Or other Covert Ops ship):

  • Learn how to cloak — FAST. Whether you’re stuck in a bubble or there’s a fucking sabre just sitting a bit off the gate, fucking learn how to cloak FAST. Learn the hotkey. Oftentimes, I highlight the next gate, press ‘D’ (to warp/jump through) and a split second after pressing D, I hit F1 (to activate the slot with my cloaking device). You have a split second where you’re out in the open, so unless they’re on top of it, you’re going to be cloaked before they get a lock on you.
  • If you enter a system and get stuck in a bubble: See above for fast cloaking. Align yourself to a safe (NOT the gate you want to go next), drift out of the fucking bubble, THEN warp off.
  • If you enter a system and there’s a ship waiting to instalock you: This happens even with a bubble so pay attention: Don’t immediately prepare to dock and cloak. They expect that. I like to wait around 13 seconds (or 17!) before I do it. Because it’s tiring just waiting for those campers to just wait preparing to lock your ass. Then when you’re cloaked just fucking warp off.
  • Perch OR D-SCAN From Random Spot: Why D-Scan? If you’re close enough (14.3 AU or if you’ve got something fitted to boost that), then you’ll see the ‘Mobile Warp Disruptor’ on D-Scan. That’s a bubble. You’ll also see ships on scan if they’re not cloaked. Your option is to either wait it out or try your luck and push through. I always wait it out until the Red’s gone. Even if it takes hours. OR! If the way you came is clear, turn around and run like the fucking wind.
  • BEWARE the 100km Bubbles!: When you’re warping into a gate, nifty gate campers can fuck you over by putting a bubble about 100km off on the path from well-traveled gates in that system. If you get stuck…Don’t Panic. If you’ve still got cloak up, burn out, hide. If you lose cloak (I always lose cloak)…PANIC, because if the bubble’s being covered by reds, you’re fucked. Accept you’re dead and move on.

If in an Interceptor

  • You’re unaffected by bubbles. And you’re fast. My standard operating procedure is to run. Fast. Just keep fucking jumping. You land, you warp, you jump. Rinse and repeat. You don’t stop at go, you don’t collect $200. If you’re fast, you’re in and out of a system faster than a ship can get a lock on you. Ask Teamspeak from two days ago as they heard me screaming bloody murder as I jumped 14 jumps of gate camps.

Got tips for how YOU crash gates? Send them to me, Gnimral/Erani Daern