The N00b: When CEO’s Go N00b (6.30.15)



Virgin CEO Nearly Dies in W-Space. Ends up in Providence.

In what’s considered to be the most unheard of incident ever recorded in Virgin PLC history, CEO Richard Branson not only left Alentene, but ended up in Providence. This gripping tale of the week is one of high-adrenaline, ever-encroaching fear, and ultimately — a story of survival.

Sitting in a dark corner of R3’s Road Kill Cafe at the edge of Providence, Branson shakily sips his drink. The normally perfectly-manicured and composed CEO of Virgin PLC looks clammy, pale, and unshaven.

It was only supposed to be a quick trip to see what all fuss was about in a wormhole a fellow had found.”

As the beacon of knowledge and ‘dear old dad’ of the Virgins, Branson understands the risks and rewards of going into wormhole space. After all, he’s preached it enough to his fellow Virgins.

I was so struck by the number of signatures that came up in the system…15! Could you imagine what kind of isk that could be?”

His eyes glow gleefully as he recounts his find.

I was so excited. I immediately went in search of the signatures…only I also forgot to bookmark my location”. 

His sheepishly looks out the windows of the Cafe, toward the Misaba gate. Wreckages of n00bs flying through the gate without intel can be seen littering the region — attacked by cloaked gate-campers. He knows the risks involved with getting back to hi-sec. It was going to be a long night for him docked up.

The lure of w-space is heavily documented and a common issue amongst pilots seeking riches. But to an already well-established CEO and isk billionaire, it was an embarrassment.

Downtime came…when I went to find my wormhole, I realized it had closed up. For a moment I was struck with a sense of fear. What was I to do? I was on the wrong side of the wormhole, and I had no idea how to get back to the station. Luckily, I remembered I had probes with me”

After preaching the importance of probes for weeks with newly-minted Virgins, Branson had always known the day would come that he would have to face what he warned every pilot about.

It was the loneliness that got to me. Stuck in an unknown part of space where even the locals dare not speak for fear of a terrible death? I had only my wits and I knew that one wrong move would bring on swarms of ships ready to blow me out of the sky.”

After some time scanning, Branson was able to locate a wormhole.

All I knew was that I needed to get out of there. It didn’t matter where that wormhole lead as long as I was gone.”

In a strike of good fortune, Branson managed to find a wormhole that not only lead him out of w-space, but also into Providence.

Imagine my luck when I realize I’m in Providence. Why I have loads of friends down here! I’ve never visited them, nor do I have any idea where anything is…but at least I knew the locals wouldn’t kill me on sight like in the rest of Null-Sec!”

Will Branson escape safely from Providence and back to the safety of his cushy captain’s quarters? Only time will tell.


Want to add to The N00b? Send ideas, tips, feedback, etc. to Erani Daern or Skempo Dactyl.


Related Post