The N00b: Pizza & Death (7.5.2015)

Council CEO Dies: N00bness, Bad Hearing, & Pizza

success baby

In what can only be described as “shit you just can’t make up“, The Council CEO Fishweasel died to Sansha rats while participating in a corp fleet operation, losing over 250M isk. How could this have possibly happened? This is so good, it’s long.

Richard Branson was supposed to join in the fleet, but unfortunately ended up passing out on his couch. Deciding to take one for the team, Fishweasel took his trusty Zealot and for the most part, was doing a fine job basically soloing as Erani Daern was failing to pew-pew with her T1-fitted Caracal. Due to Erani’s near-constant death, Fishweasel told Erani Daern to grab her Vexor — which he thought was two jumps away, mishearing F-Y (10 jumps away) as FDT. This is when things got sad:

He stopped paying attention to the screen and didn’t realize he was hurting until after he was warp scrambled and losing armor slowly…but surely. In an attempt to get someone to come in and take care of the frigates, he called out to his fellow corp-mates online – Erani Daern, Mrando, and Bri^4. He was calm and collected on the teamspeak as he made his call. After all, there were plenty of people in the corp who are around him:

  • Erani was supposedly only 2 jumps away
  • Bri was in an Ishtar and in the same system
  • Mrando was in the next system over and had an Apocalypse ready to deploy

The following conversation is a summary of what occurred:

Fishweasel: I’m warp scrambled and I can’t shoot. Can someone take these frigates out before I die? 

Erani: I’m 10 jumps away in F-Y.

Mrando: I’m on my other account in hi-sec.

Bri: There’s a pizza delivery that’s just arrived.

Branson:

Fishweasel: Well I’m going to die in about 3 minutes if no one can help me. 

Erani: There’s no way I’m going to make it to you in 3 minutes.

Bri: I really need to grab this pizza.

regret meme

After death and much laughter, the following is an analysis of the situation and why it was worthy of The N00b: 

  • Fishweasel wasn’t paying attention to what was going on
  • Bri chose pizza delivery over saving his fellow corpmate. To be fair, he was the only one able to grab the pizza. But let’s also point out that he was in an Ishtar…in the same systemAnyone else in Bri’s shoes would have chosen pizza.
  • Mrando could have double boxed by jumping in and saving the day…but double boxing was an afterthought by everyone online at the time.
  • Erani Daern needs to get her skills up so she can be useful at these events
  • Branson fell asleep within hearing distance of the speakers that blared Fish’s cries.

Moral of the story? Pay attention to your screen and never discount the frigates that spawn.

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A Belated Happy Birthday, USTZ!

funny

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Want to add something to The N00b? Send anything you want (except awkward body photos) to Erani Daern or Gnimral.

oV 

Erani Daern: Officer of Good Times & Editor-in-Chief of The Noob /Gnimral: Mother Superior of the Virgins

 

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